i didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
i didn't mean to fall in love but i did
and you didn't mean to love me back but you did
<3
i woke up all in a sudden at 8 this morning. and i woke up feeling scared.
the last i could remember was that i was having a dream. and it woke me up.
and what's the nightmare? i was 'cooking in the kitchen, in UK'. scary? HAHA.
no, i wasn't scared because of that. even though YOU might find that scary. hur hur.
i was scared because after i woke up from that dream, things started pouring in to my mind.
as much as i can't wait to leave this country, it all started with me being all alone in UK.....
(yah yah, what a baby! LOLS. mind you, i AM the BABY in MY family ok!)
"what if i'm not used to it? i love my bed. what if i get very homesick? what if i can't cook? LOLS.
what if i go broke because i eat too much? what if i go broke because everything is 6.5 times more expensive than here?
what if i'm only wasting money by going there? what if i'm good for nothing? WHAT IF?!?!?!?!?!??!"
oh, yes, it may seem to you that i'm a wuss or a pussy or a chicken or a baby whatever you call it.
but waking up at 8 in the morning feeling like this is NOT nice okay. i got sad, confused AND sad. :(
then from there, it went to something else; me having to work after i graduate.
"where should i work? what if i can't find a job? what if i don't like my job? what if i don't like working in events?
i don't like setting up late at night! i don't like working during weekends. what if i have no time to see my boyfriend?
what if i neglect my family and friends? should i be a wedding planner? where do i get a job as a wedding planner?"
and that topic ended with "WHY the fuck do i study MORE events when i hate working late at night and weekends?" phew.
thanks to that, it made me think more about me going to UK...
"do i really want to go? do i really want to study more events? should i study more events?
should i study something else? should i not study at all? should i start working?"
oh now it goes back to WORK. soon, it will be friends. and then MARRIAGE. and then kids. haha.
no, it's really not fun thinking about all those early in the morning. that explained why i woke up today feeling scared.
but KinkyBunny is right. i think too much about unnecessary things, all the time.
that is why i need him by my side; to smack me and make me get my senses back. LOLS.
anyways, my sister in AussieLand, who is apparently a fan of my blog (or not. LOLS.) asked me this, the other day.
"what are you doing to your blog?" and then she added, "JUNK POST!". haha!
i'm sorry lah my posts has been all junks, no head, no tail, no pictures, not important, NOT interesting. LOLS.
i'm not a professional blogger. i do not blog to make a living. i wish i could, but i have nothing to offer. :(
and just so happen that i blog about 0.5% of my life for the past 5 years and decided to continue doing so.
so, i'm sorry (or not) if any (or all) of you are not entertained, maybe you just came to the wrong place for entertainment. :P
p.s. oh no, i'm not angry or offended by what my sister said. LOLS. i think she's right. AGREE on junk post!
i just pity you people, having to read all my crappy post. LOLS. think twice before you hit ENTER next time! :P
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9:23 PM
